Head vs. Heart

uncharted

Thursday, 22 September 2011

No words, My tears won't make any room for more,
And it don't hurt, like anything I've ever felt before, this is
No broken heart,
No familiar scars,
This territory goes uncharted...

Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town, and I
Don't breathe, no I never meant to let it get away from me
Now, too much to hold, everybody wants has to get their hands on gold,
And I want uncharted.
Stuck under this ceiling I made, I can't help but feeling...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

La la la-a-a-a.
Oh-h-h.

Each day, countin' up the minutes, till I get alone, 'cause I can't stay
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault, but I'm
So alone, Never knew how much I didn't know,
Oh, everything is uncharted.
I know I'm getting nowhere, when I only sit and stare like...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted.

Jump start my kaleidoscope heart,
Love to watch the colors fade,
They may not make sense,
But they sure as hell made me.

I won't go as a passenger, no
Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down,
I'm taking flame over burning out

Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started,
Oh-h
I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...
La la la-a-a-a.

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

GMA

Friday, 16 September 2011

okay ready to crash right now, i'm not even tired or anything but i'm having one of my crazy migranes and the only way to get rid of it is to sleep it off which is exactly what i plan to do.

need to make a commitment to myself here.
I made promises to people and to myself and I will see it through to the end, no matter how busy I am I will have to make time to put this priority back in place. GMA, I'm coming for you!

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

life

Sunday, 11 September 2011

1st September 2011: Clique Dinner

2nd September 2011: BA Ice cream appreciation

3rd September 2011: ER CYCLING

4th September 2011: Treasure Hunt

5th September 2011 to 7th September 2011: TCP empowerment camp

8th September 2011: IDARE preglow

9th September 2011: millionaire mind conference + cousin's wedding

10th September 2011 to 11th September 2011: BAmazing Race 2011

had a pretty fulfilling week! but i'm really burnt out now, time to go and get a good rest.

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

Hope of all hearts

Friday, 9 September 2011

The world may fade
You will remain
In the midst of the trial
You will always be, I'll sing
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

With hope and light
You reign over all
Though my heart may fail
You will always be, I'll sing
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

Praise in the morning
Praise in the evening
Praise when I'm laughing
Praise when I'm grieving
There will be dancing
There will be singing

Upon injustice we will tell of our God

The hope of all hearts
The hope of all hearts Is you
Your love never fails
Your love never fails
With hope and light
You reign over all
Though my heart may fail
You will always be all the same
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

Praise in the morning
Praise in the evening
Praise when I'm laughing
Praise when I'm grieving
There will be dancing
There will be singing
Upon injustice we will tell of our god

The hope of all hearts
The hope of all hearts Is you
Your love never fails
Your love never fails

In darkness,
In trial, my soul shall sing
Of his mercy, and kindness
Our offering of praise
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

In darkness,
In trial, my soul shall sing
Of his mercy, and kindness
Our offering of praise
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

familiar

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Today was one of those days that I could read a post about love and not feel anything, one of those days that I didn't think of you, one of those days where everything feels all right. I wish it could be like this everyday, too bad it's not, there are days that I wish things didn't have to change, there are days that I wish everything didn't fall apart like it did, there are days that I wish for you. Truth is, I miss you, I miss being able to turn to you whenever I want to, I miss being able to talk to you without hesitation, I miss everything that we used to be and it's killing me. But you know what, I refuse to run back to you, I refuse to run back to the things that I'm so familiar with because I know that at the end of the day, it'll only hurt more when we have to go our own ways once again. I refuse to depend on you once again, I refuse to hold on to this belief that I won't be able to love like that again, I refuse to hold on to this belief that you're worth all of this. I rather hold on to the belief that there's a better day out there and someday I'll find someone who'll treat me right, someone who knows my worth and sees that I'm worth fighting for. I rather hurt, cry, rant and then finally be able to have closure and move on once and for all. I don't know whether I'm strong enough to go through with all of that, easier said than done, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to try and it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up even in moments that I feel so weak. Determination, that's all I need.

"Sometimes God doesn't give you what you think you want, not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve better."

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

rationale

Friday, 2 September 2011

People know me for being busy, it's like a trait of mine that everyone knows, Cheryl has to be busy for her to be Cheryl. And people always ask me why I'm busy all the time and my response to them always is that we only live once and this life is short, so we might as well make full use of it while we can, "CARPE DIEM". Yes, that's what I say all the time, and that's what I used to live by but I guess it's turned into a form of escapism for me, it's my excuse for not wanting to think about things. I don't want to be not busy because then I'll have the time to think about all the issues that I've been dreading to think about. Being busy gives me that leverage that I want when it comes to making decisions, it's the only form of control I have anymore. It's like when I'm not busy, I lose because people can get me to do whatever they want me to because I have the time and I'm free but when I'm busy, I "win" because I'm in control of what I want to do and when I want to do it. I know, my mindset's kinda screwed up.

"现在考试完了，要注意好你自己在想什么，知道吗？"

That's something that lamjiale said to me when we were chatting online last night, and it was something that made me start thinking. It's true how my thoughts are free to wonder during my holidays especially when my "busy periods" are over, yes I do have my commitments and I'm still busy and all but my thoughts are allowed to take over a small portion of my mind. During my busy periods, I keep brainwashing myself that I don't have time for all these thoughts and I have a logical reason to get these thoughts out of my mind, but during my holidays, these thoughts are free to wonder and I have no reason to push them away.

Feeling so lousy right now cause ever since my holidays have started, I've been filling myself with shallow thoughts so that I've to think of them instead of the deeper issues at hand. I know that it's not right, but I don't want to think about them, I really don't. The second half of last year spent on making church decisions was one of the most painful moments of my life, and I never ever want to go through that again, at least not so soon. I don't want to think about relationships, I don't want to think about him, I don't want to think about how to let guys down easily, I don't want to think about moving on, I don't want to think about how to stop sending guys the wrong message, I don't want to think about my future with anyone. I don't want to think about ministry, to stay in children ministry or to move to youth ministry, to leave rangers or to stay in rangers. I don't want to think about my duties, to be a good student and maintain my scholarship, to be an active cell intern and help bring the cell the a higher level and maybe even help build clarissa's cell, to be a good daughter and help to do housework and work for my parents to help build up the business, to be a good ranger and get my GMA, get FCF, duplicate myself and mentor the younger girls, to be a good gkids leader and to teach my kids right. I don't want to think about all of that.

Lots of ♥, Cheryl

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