To The Guy Who Never Told Me We Were Over
Sunday, 27 December 2015
So here I am, a whole year after the fiasco happened, and I am not the same because of you. And I know, oh I know, I deserve to be treated better. I know I deserve to be with someone who treats me as a priority instead of an option. I know I deserve someone who is clear about where I stand with him. I know I deserve someone who doesn’t blow me off on when I'm having panic attacks, but then texts me the next day asking for a cuddlefest. I know because I’ve been lucky in love before you, and I’ve never been treated this way before, even by the guys I have dated casually. I’ve never had a fling with a jerk, so thank you for being the first. Thank you giving me a new appreciation for the exceptional men I have dated before you.
Thank you for helping me realize how much more I am worth and that I cannot let my singular experience with you make me insecure. Thank you for prompting me to recognize how truly optimistic I am. Even after dating you, I will not be cynical about men and love, I refuse to let you taint my outlook on life.
Thank you for helping me realize what I truly want in love. I want a guy to look at me like Leonardo DiCaprio’s Gatsby looks at Carey Mulligan’s Daisy Buchanan; like Brad still looks at Angelina; like my papa looks at my mom. I need devotion and adoration, love and affection. But I think you love yourself too much to ever look at anyone that way, let alone me.
Thank you for compelling me to explore the depth and complexity of my humanity. Thank you for being the ultimate test of how much I truly live up to the standards of decency and gentility that I claim to uphold. Thanks to you, I have found so much inner strength by always being mannerly and kind to you, and showing you that I care – not only because I fell for you, but because you were a human being in my life. And I still have it in me to wish you all the happiness in the world, even though you couldn’t even give me the time of day to tell me it was over.
As I walk away from you, I will just keep reminding myself that people like you are the ones who are truly losing out. As for me, my conscience is clear.
Excerpt edited from here.
♥ cheryllimsuwen, 29/11.
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